I have enjoyed almost 85% of the debates, discussions, insights, sharing and celebrations in the 2015 Woman’s Month activities. I am sitting with one big concern, this rhetoric around the “Pull her down syndrome”. I totally disagree with this as one of the most negative labels that as women, we are so comfortable wearing.
I am going to second-guess what people misread as PHDS:
Not sure what else? My point is that we look at bad/survivalist behaviour, and when women display these behaviours, we call it PHDS? What do we call the same behaviour between men? What do we call the same behaviour when it happens between men and women?
The statement “Women pull each other down” means:
- Women pull each other down. They make sure that no woman wins. Only men win.
- Everybody who says this, realise that you have included yourself. Are you one of the women who pull others down? If the answer is no, why are you happy to label yourself incorrectly? If the answer is yes, Stop it! Why? Because you obviously do not like it when you see it in others.
- Women are not worthy of any opportunities. The “Pull her down syndrome” is too much to ignore, that is why we never talk about women and not talk about it. So, business has to look out, and not trust women with anything serious because of this terrible identity of all women.
I have just highlighted 3 points around this continued emphasising of a stereotype that can only actually “pull women down” because someone coined it, and women are running with it with such enthusiasm. For me this is a typical example of unconscious communication and speaking. By speaking this every day, on all platforms that should be celebrating women, we are un-selling ourselves. Is this really what we want to do?
So now, let’s choose how we move forward regarding this mistake:
- Firstly, I invite all women to see competition for what it is. Competition, which makes some people pull others down in their quest to succeed. Men and women alike.
- Secondly, make a list of at least 20 women who have played an important part in your success. Contact at least 10 of them and thank them. Woman’s Month is about celebrating the value that women add in our lives. Do just that.
- Thirdly, make a list of 10 women who hurt you, and who stood in your way of success. Identify where they could possibly have been experiencing lack. Have compassion and forgive them. If possible, identify one possible gesture of collaboration and offer them love. They do not have to connect that with the past. Just be generous enough to create abundance for others. If you look at the definition of Conflict, like this one,
Coser’s (1956) defines conflict as:
“…a struggle over values and claims to scares status, power and resources in which the aims of the opponents are to neutralise, injure or eliminate their rivals…”
you realise that people who pull others down are in lack. Your RESPONSE, not REACTION, should be COMPASSION. So by responding with giving and display of abundance, you can HEAL those who suffer from the “pull her/him down syndrome”.
- Communicate, speak CONSCIOUSLY all the time. Never say what you do not mean. As I have said earlier, do not say “women pull other down” if you don’t do it, and if you know at least 10 women who don’t. Rather say, some people, pull others down.
I celebration of this Women’s Month, I invite all of us women to celebrate others, both men and women> let us be compassionate, and see lack when some people pull other down, and chose to be leaders, by identifying what we can do for those people so that they move from lack to abundance.
HAPPY WOMAN’S MONTH! See you in Woman’s Month 2017-J