GROWING UP WITH OUR CHILDREN
Thank you so much to all those Conscious Parents who were able to send in their responses to these questions:
• What has been the most challenging about being a parent?
• What has been the most fulfilling about being a parent?
• If you could do one thing differently what would it be?
• What overwhelms you the most about being a parent?
The common theme through the answers that came back is around “Not knowing…” and “Growing up with our children…”
This is really profound to acknowledge, and for me brings to fore the crucial need for us to embrace the not knowing, and then consciously and constructively chose how to deal with it.
Children are fully fledged human beings. They may not know what we know, and they may not have the “wisdom” that as parents we have accumulated through the benefit of hind-sight, yet they think, they feel, and they know what they want. Our role is to partner them in creating a life that they are happy to live. That means their ideas, their thoughts and their feelings need a lot of airtime. They need to be given space for full self-expression.
Imagine how you feel each time your partner or boss tells you what you are thinking and why you are thinking that way. Imagine how you feel when your partner or boss then continues to respond to what you have not said, that may not even be accurate. And continues to make decisions based on this one-sided, inaccurate and assume opinion. Don’t you feel gaged? Angry? Bitter? Undermined? Disrespected? These feelings become when for whatever reason you do not think you stand a chance to correct the perception. So, you are expected to co-create/collaborate/partner with someone who is totally oblivious to who you are and your opinions. This is most disempowering.
Our children feel exactly the same way when we treat them that way. We could have them tied to ourselves, and dragging them into a future that they do not even want, and we may never know.
Two powerful tools available to us, ASKING OPEN QUESTIONS FROM CURIOSITY (NOT KNOWING), AND LISTENING LIKE WE DO NOT HAVE ANSWERS, BECAUSE WE INDEED DO NOT HAVE ANSWERS.
In our next Forum, on the 5th February 2016, let’s explore how to open up dialogue that empowers and acknowledges our children and enable us to partner our children, in Conscious Parenting.
See you there–